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Gordon Freeman's Personal Aid

Posts: 4,637

#1 Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:01 PM

So, it's been a while HLF. Lurking here and there as usual, but I've hit a new conundrum. I am so split by it, I think the only way to work through it is to ask a small part of the internet that is not qualified at all in helping, in fact probably come up with even worse ideas. WHich is why it's always helped in the past :8 Also I need to write this out for myself...

(TL:DR at bottom for the lazy)

I... fucked up. I'm currently sitting 270 miles from where I lived a week ago. Had a pretty bad time the end of last year, made a really rash decision when a friend of mine said screw that bullshit, move here. So I was like, hell yea. and I quit my job and then realized I still needed to get things done before I left. Stayed for two weeks w/o working, even went on a ill advised weekend trip. Caught up with skyrim, enjoyed the time off, started to realize why things got so shitty. And the whole time thinking I made a rash decision, and a mistake.


Pros and cons

Stay- very small college town in the middle of no where. Different State.
Pros-
New start?
Possible better paying job
Living with a good friend

Cons-
I don't really have any intention to go to school here, his mom and him have been pushing it because I haven't been to school for a year and have screwed around with it.
Rash decision
I'm broke
I will have to try to get an even shittier job if a certain one doesn't work out.
Wasn't expecting it but not sure if I can live with this friend


Return- Suburb, outside of large cities
Pros-
I know it
Old job when I get back, looking at another one that might be good for me
Some friends that I can really call friends
much easier to save up for transportation, school
set work out schedule with a good friend
some opportunities and changes with family/people
Cons-
bad blood with some coworkers
pretty big issue with some old friends/coworkers
Group of people that are pretty intertwined with area and job -see the two above
Family issues, but seem to be changing with this sudden move thing.
if I don't make changes I'll probably be straight back to the same situation I wanted to leave
I don't have a definite plan to go back to school, just that I will try asap.

So at this point, do I own the mistake, hope I can live here for a while? That was my plan but things kept stacking up and now that I'm here.. When it came down to it, I left so I could get out of that situation which was stifling at the time, figured I could turn some things around and then head back. I never actually worked out if I could do those things here... and it's not looking promising.

Blah this is long and boring, I have to decide by tomorrow afternoon. There's always more to it, but the basis is there... other friends are divided, so I'm completely locked and worried I'll end up making another rash decision like the one that got me here in the first place.

Is it regret, or homesickness, or clarity? I've also got to deal with the friend here and his family that were 'helping me' with the idea of school here and then suggested the sudden move. I know it's not what I want is the problem. call it now before I'm stuck here? I did have someone tell me moving wasn't going to change things - hindsight...

TL:DR Made rash move while not thinking clearly to get out of shitty situation -job/people/future, Knew it was a mistake, decided I can't back out and should at least spend a few months to turn myself around. Realize new place is shitty and just living here will be rough -job/people



Freedom Fighter

Posts: 335

#2 Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:25 PM

Normally I'd say go somewhere new. It's a short life and you should get as many new experiences as possible, the whole being broke doesn't matter in the slightest. I've done it before and you'd be amazed how resourceful you can be when you're out of your comfort zone and have the fear. Every day is a new adventure (I can't put that sentence in a way that doesn't sound cheesy) because you have no idea what will happen since you have no routine. You start appreciating all the small comforts in life instead of walking through it with your eyes closed like everyone else.

But on the other hand, most people are in the opposite situation to you; they've grown up in small towns and are trying to escape it, whereas you're trying to escape the city by the sounds of things. It really depends where you are and what you want to do.

This sounds obvious and it is, but it's your decision alone. I'd say look at the opportunities that both situations could present to you and see if they fit in with your future career/plans/etc. Could you see yourself living there for the next 2 to 5 years?

If you have no plan, then **** it, go for either one and live for a bit. I'd just say that the bigger city has more opportunities in general. And see if you can get a new job. That always helps in my experience. You meet new people, you get a different perspective (like finding out that the awful job you did have isn't the norm in life) and, if it all messes up, you've learnt not to do that again.

If I've learnt anything in my 23 years, it's that life sucks when you settle into a routine when you're too young. Get out of the comfort zone and always try meeting new people. No harm ever came from widening your circle of friends. Just my opinion though. Out of curiosity, how old are you?
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Ivan the Space Biker's Personal Aid

Posts: 6,510

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#3 Posted 11 March 2012 - 07:49 PM

first off, its not a mistake, trying a change in life is never a mistake (no matter the end result).

Friends/family/Co-workers come & go, no matter what place you choose to live in, so don't sweat it too much that you don't have a posse after 2 weeks

If you want a change in your life, then having done the move was a good thing, look at it this way, it gave you a breather and chance to pull out and see bigger pictures.

if I use the skyrim analogy, its like choosing to walk to a new town, then going to the overview map and realizing you took a different path, but in greater scheme of things, you were able to finally look at the whole map (of your life). Sure, It wont tell you why the dwemer disappeared, and sure you might die, but thats life.

I think you should focus not on if you made the best monetary choice, but one that will bring the most peace of mind. For example: I got out of my dad's place and got an apartment to get away from all the noise & family problems, i was poorer overall, but happier for having less stress & mental hardship, its something I have come to appreciate as invaluable.

I dont know about school, its your choice, i hated getting my degree, almost worthless, but people wouldn't even give me a chance without seeing some papers, but thats more dependent on your field of work and your overall willingness. 1 year isnt bad, but the longer you wait, the less you will want to go.

As for your friend, i hope you made it clear that you are in a transitional period, you arent sure what to do, thank them for the helpful, but make it clear that you arent ready. For the time being, make yourself less of a burden to their family (ie do cleaning, less playing games) until life makes more sense to you.


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Gordon Freeman's Personal Aid

Posts: 4,637

#4 Posted 11 March 2012 - 09:40 PM

I keep hoping in every game they will finally explain what happened to the Dwemer, not just kill a bunch of blind demi elves... :( I had a laugh

And that is exactly how I'm looking at it now Suicide, I can see more of the map again.

And yeah the school thing, only so I can have some paper and also because I realized the reason I found myself stuck in such a crap situation is because one single thing and group became my primary and only activity. That week of Skyrim was the first game I had played in more than half a year.

It's currently my friend and his sister as roommates. I've been helping out, but I also swooped in and payed their rent when they weren't going to make it. 'Oh well if you do move pay this months rent - right now - and we'll cover the next month so you can look for a job.'>_<

The worst part. He's a really good friend of mine. He's an emotional roller coaster about major things. And I constantly get the feeling he thinks I'm here for his benefit. I'm here for me, I just got off a heavy drinking while on medication ride and it was fucking horrible. I'm not capable of taking care of someone when their life is in a big transition, but going pretty well. This is what worries me the most.


Oh and same as you Jdowny,



Poison Piealicious

Posts: 4,133

#5 Posted 12 March 2012 - 08:38 AM

It seems like the move at least helped you get an outlook on your life.

Perhaps it's worth it giving yourself some extra time for this decision, to sort through the pros and cons.
In the end it's your decision and you shouldn't rush it, if you aren't sure.
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Gordon Freeman's Personal Aid

Posts: 4,637

#6 Posted 12 March 2012 - 10:40 PM

I'm staying another day or so...



Prowler

Posts: 705

#7 Posted 13 March 2012 - 02:30 AM

Hmm, this sure is a tough one! I know one thing for sure though; I admire your balls. (Not in a kinky way) I've contemplated moving away from home many times, just to get away and have some time to myself. But I was always a bit too "comfortable" to take the big step you've just taken. Uncomfortably comfortable. Now when I say this, it's been almost six years since I've lived with my parents, except for a few summers between school years. I've had/have family issues as well. Pretty bad ones too. But the reason I moved was school, and not because I finally had the guts to do what I'd wanted to do for so long, if you know what I mean.

When I first moved away from home it was fucking fantastic! I really grew as a person in the year I spent in a folk high school(a Scandinavian thing, not a typical school, more about just having fun and trying new things and make great new friends in the process), and was generally having a great time. But the year after I moved in with four of these newly acquired friends and started studying. And it fucking sucked! Not at first, but after I had a crush one one of the girls(they were all girls by the way!) and it didn't work out, things really went downhill. Turned night into day, and stopped working out. Got really depressed, and stopped seeing the few friends I had in this relatively unknown city.

The year after I was back at the folk high school as an "intern" or something along those lines. My job was to help create a friendly environment at the school. And again, it was pretty fucking sweet! More friends, more fun!

After that I started studying for real, which is what I'm still doing now. And currently considering quitting.

What I'm saying here is that what may seem shitty and wrong at first, actually can grow into a good thing after a while. Or it may not. Life is a like an elevator, it goes up and down. But anything you might get out of it, good or bad, is probably useful in one way or another. You'll get to know what you want and need a bit better after such an experience. So I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet. I think you should stay for a month or two.

TL;DR What Berrie said... lol.
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Your God, Lord, and Master

Posts: 7,820

#8 Posted 13 March 2012 - 05:10 AM

If things at home were bad enough to make you make such a drastic change, then I suggest sticking with it for a few months and give it a shot instead of just rushing back to the shitty original situation.
fka WetFart
Xbox Live: Hasan i Sabbah PSN: DyingTickles120
Steam: solidus2084 Steam Display Name: DyingTickles
Origin: DyingTickles



Gordon Freeman's Personal Aid

Posts: 4,637

#9 Posted 13 March 2012 - 06:01 PM

I made the decision at the tail end of drinking on anti depressants for several months. That may clarify why 3-4 weeks of neither and I feel I am regaining a lot of clarity. I'm glad I didn't just sit there and be miserable, finally decided to do something. But I think I jumped way too quickly when the offer was presented. I had a 1. Screw this/ 2. Move here/ 3.?????/ 4. Profit kinda plan and idea about this place. Glad I finally did something just probably not the right thing.

And I've been living at home for two years now, prior to that I was on my own in a large city several hours away. It's the place I made a last minute visit to, have a very good friend there and still kinda assume I'll move back at some point.

I'm a little frustrated because my motorcycle money is gone, I've missed a month worth of working, and I owe my sister a few hundred bucks she probably couldn't spare. If I leave now I can at least start working again right away and have a shot at another job. Opportunity cost was high for this plan.

But yea, right now I'm not regretting it. At least it mixed things up. Put a full stop on the direction I was going and now I get to pick a new one.

I'm here one more day, I don't think it will change my mind, we'll see.



Your God, Lord, and Master

Posts: 7,820

#10 Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:35 AM

View PostConnieEverett, on 13 March 2012 - 06:12 PM, said:

. I know it's not what I want is the problem.Posted Image

Are you breaking up with me?
fka WetFart
Xbox Live: Hasan i Sabbah PSN: DyingTickles120
Steam: solidus2084 Steam Display Name: DyingTickles
Origin: DyingTickles



Prowler

Posts: 705

#11 Posted 14 March 2012 - 03:42 AM

View PostDyingTickles, on 14 March 2012 - 05:35 AM, said:

Are you breaking up with me?


Ha! Zing!
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